You’ve probably heard the phrase “stop shoulding on yourself.” Intellectually you get that should’s, have to’s and ought to’s just drain your energy and leave you feeling heavy and unfulfilled. Yet regardless of this knowledge you find yourself “shoulding” more often than not.

So what do you do? How do you change the cycle from “should” to “want”?

Let me paint the picture of what’s happening behind the scenes for me. I’ve been in an intense transition season, on a mission to reclaim my “want to’s” as I eliminate the “should’s” in my life. It’s literally impacting every facet of my life, including my work, my relationships with myself and others, and even basic things like how I schedule my time. As I go through this process, I’m amazed at what I’m learning.

I have allowed “should’s” to drive my life…often! Mostly because I didn’t realize that many behaviors and beliefs that drive me aren’t core to who I really am. Through my discovery , I’ve tapped into what’s true for me so I have stopped several things cold turkey, like writing my blog. I haven’t written a post in over a month and half because it wasn’t a “want to”. I found I was writing because I thought I “should” based on others’ opinions, expertise and beliefs so I decided to take a break for awhile to get clear for myself.

So what about you? Where do you need to stop the “should’s” in your life?

I invite you to explore the question as you create awareness around where you are run by “should’s”. Without judgment, decide what you need to do with that “should”.

Here’s a system I use called the “Three D” system that will help you choose:

1. Dump it. If it’s not necessary or life giving do you really need to keep the should?
2. Delegate it. Maybe this is something that you can hire out or you can get help from someone else?
3. Defer it. Take a break from it. See what happens and decide when you want to pick it back up or if you even want to. This is what I did with the blog writing.

As for me, I’m not convinced that I’m ready to re-engage in blogging. I know I wanted to begin with this post as I continue to explore what blogging looks like for me. I am committed to staying connected to community in a way that is life giving and allows me to use my wisdom and inspiration creatively. I want to support a win-win and I’m not quite sure what that looks like, yet.

The key here is to focus not on “should’s” but on what you really want paying special attention to where you come alive. Choose powerfully to do those things that “light you up”, because this is the place  you will be energized, filled up and on purpose as you give to others.

What do you think? Share your thoughts and comments at the blog.

Bottom line: Stop the Should’s! It could be the most life transforming decision you’ll ever make as you free more of authentic self to positively impact the world!

Photo Courtesy of Photoxpress © musk

Oxygen therapy. What’s this you might ask? According to Wikipedia it’s the administration of oxygen as a medical intervention. In the case of this blog, it pertains to this question: “Could you use a breath of fresh air?”

Take a minute right now and breathe deeply. What do you notice?

Are you alive and energized?

Or are you exhausted?

No matter where you find yourself, I have an invitation. Will you take a break for at least one and maybe two hours and join me to experience some oxygen therapy as a way to refresh renew and refuel?

This Thursday, I’m facilitating a FREE group coaching call on the theme of Celebrating Life using the Compass Action System. This will be your opportunity to experience the power of community while leaving replenished and inspired. For more details about this offering Click Here or Contact Me. You can also visit my Compass coaching website or Compass rep page.

This coming Saturday, I have the awesome opportunity to be on “live” radio with my friend and coach colleague Laurie Hardie. I’ll be co-hosting with her on the Saturday morning radio show Coffee with the Coaches on Seattle 820AM or KGNW.com. Our theme for this call is the title of this blog “Oxygen Therapy: Could you use a breath of fresh air?” If you can’t make it, be sure to listen to the archived call after the fact.

Will you take an hour to invest in and “love” on you? Grant yourself permission to take a break as you connect with your spirit. I guarantee you’ll leave replenished and renewed, filled with love and joy that will make you a better woman, wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend and business owner.

“If you want a love message to be heard, it has got to be sent out.
To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it.”
Mother Teresa

Photo Courtesy of Photoxpress © Sergej Khackimullin

So often it is the simple wonders that fall in the shadows of the steep expectations we hold for our self and the way we think the world should work.

I am sure not to be the only one who experiences that whatever task I undertake or project I agree to, it consistently takes two to three times as long as I anticipate to accomplish my intended goal.

You think we would get smart enough to do better at time management by planning for these certain realities, accepting that it always takes longer. But no, instead we judge ourselves and compress life, not wanting to ‘drop a ball’ or say ‘no’ to anything.

Can we be happy even at these times? Expanding compassion and patience, not for the outer world or others, but for ourselves seems to be the key to happiness until we can adjust our perception of time and surrender to and trust in Divine Order.

It is important not to miss the simple wonders in our hurry to force life along. So today, amidst looming project due dates (I refuse to call them dead-lines) and having more on my plate than I have allowed time for, I choose to take the time to notice that the sun is out for the first time in days, delight that I heard my grandson giggle over the phone, and show gratitude for the simple wonders, big and small, that reconnect me to the perfection in mis-perfection today.

WHAT DO YOU PERCEIVE AS THE SEVEN WONDERS OF THE WORLD? 
by Author Unknown

A group of students was asked to list what they thought were
the present ‘Seven Wonders of the World.’ Though there were
some disagreements, the following received the most votes:

1. Egypt’s Great Pyramids 
2. Taj Mahal 
3. Grand Canyon 
4. Panama Canal 
5. Empire State Building 
6. St. Peter’s Basilica 
7. China’s Great Wall

While gathering the votes, the teacher noticed that one quiet student hadn’t turned in her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The girl replied, ‘Yes, a little. I couldn’t quite make up my mind  because there were so many.’

The teacher said, ‘Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help.’

The girl hesitated, then read, ‘I think the ‘Seven Wonders of the World’ are:

1. to see 
2. to hear 
3. to touch 
4. to taste 
5. to feel 
6. to laugh 
7. and to love.

The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.

The things we overlook as simple and ordinary and that we take for granted are truly wondrous!  Be grateful for simple things!

Special credit for this blog post goes to Rhonda Hall, founder of The Center for Happiness. Be sure to learn more about Rhonda and her work at www.driveyourselfhappy.com.

Are you on a roller coaster going up and down so quickly that it’s difficult to get off the ride? Perhaps the treadmill of your life is going too fast because you are being bombarded by too much coming at you? If you resonate with any of these statements, it’s time to stop the madness!

Since launching The Leadership Collaborative at the end of April, I’ve been out in the marketplace with intention; I’ve been speaking, networking and engaging the field to learn more. And boy am I learning what others in business are facing and it can all be boiled down to one word:

OVERWHELM!

This overwhelm is showing up in many ways; see which of these you can relate to:

• Life changes/transitions are at an all time high—loss of a well-loved pet, moving, personal health issue, graduation, end of school, ailing family member and unexpected financial matters just to name a few.
• Wearing too many hats—trying to run multiple businesses, taking on activities that aren’t aligned with passion or expertise, adding more to the plate without assessing what needs to be let go.
• Mediocre financial results—just getting by, barely covering the expenses, surviving instead of thriving.
• Too much activity—doing, doing, doing without any time to slow down, assess and plan with purpose.

If you can relate to any of these scenarios, let me ask from a place of deep humility and love the question that Dr. Phil always asks… “How’s that working for you?”

My hunch is that it’s not.

Now let me contrast the above scenario with another person I met last week. She decided to make a 180 degree shift from her 20-year career in the judicial system to launching a speaking/training business. She’s following her “lights” and integrating her love of photography into a platform that reconnects others to the core through nature as a vehicle to help them find their passion. She has a book coming out in August, she’s working on her website, promoting her speaking and because of her clarity, passion and plan she has opportunities abounding and she’s getting tangible results.

So why isn’t she overwhelmed? What makes her different that the others I mentioned above?

1. She knows herself which helps her to know when to say “yes” and when to say “no”.
2. She has a vision which guides her even in the chaos.
3. She has a plan to take care of herself and slows down daily.
4. She has a strategy and continually revisits it to adjust and stay in momentum.

Here’s the truth: If you want to stop the madness in your own life and eliminate the overwhelm, these four elements are essential and non-negotiable.

So what’s true for you? Are you ready to stop the insanity which is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results?

I’m on a mission to stop the madness! If you’re serious like me, then let me help you take a stand for your heart. Give yourself the gift of a 15-minute free, no obligation call to find out what your one next step is. Contact me to schedule your appointment today. At a minimum, schedule 15-minutes in your own calendar to slow down.

You have everything to gain and nothing to lose.

Photo Courtesy of Photoxpress ©Andrejs Pidjass

I’ve heard it said that women use over 10,000 words per day so it’s very clear that we women “chat”! In fact, I’ve started my quota early today as I literally just got off the phone for my weekly chat with a dear friend and colleague of mine; we meet over-the-phone weekly at 5:30a to connect on a deeper level and support one another with accountability and encouragement.

One of the reasons we “chat with women” is that we are very relational beings. The way we connect is through conversation. Some times our dialogue is uplifting and life giving but if you’re like me, I often wish I could take back what I’ve said because it hasn’t been helpful, edifying or inspiring.

How about you? If you think about your “chats” how would you rate your conversations? Enriching? Draining?

In my experience with clients, the primary reason for disheartening conversation is women often operate and talk from an empty tank. When the car runs on fumes, eventually it’s going to stop and be ineffective. It’s the same for you; the level of “gas” in your internal tank directly impacts the quality of your presence and how you show up in the world, including what you share in your conversations.

Tomorrow I have the exciting opportunity to be interviewed on the radio with co-hosts Pam Gray and Rachel Alhadeff of Chat with Women. This is my “first time” on the radio “live”; what a great chance to use part of my word quota in a positive way. I invite you to join me as your support will inspire me and this could also be your chance to “refuel” your tanks. I believe the show will positively impact you by improving your energy and uplifting your tone of voice and the words you use in your conversations.

“Chat With Women is a company that is passionate about helping, developing, and inspiring women and the men who love them.  We achieve this by waking up every day with a goal of using our experiences in business and life while following our core values of love, laughter and our life’s energy to maximize everyday both personally and professionally.”

So tune in tomorrow; if you’re in the Puget Sound region you can listen at KKNW 1150AM or online at Chat with Women. The show starts at 8:00a Pacific and my segment will be at 8:45a. You can also listen to the archived show after the fact.

And as you “chat with women” (and others today) remember your words can help or your words can hinder. Choose wisely!

Picture courtesy of Photoxpress ©Bruce Shippee

Where are your thoughts focused? Are you noticing what’s not working? Do you pay attention to what still needs to be done or what you still don’t have?

These are good places to look because it helps you choose your activities, supporting changes that intentionally move you in the direction of what you want. This is what will make your dreams become real.

The problem is that it’s a one-dimensional approach toward life. You are not just a “human doing” you are a “human being”. When you keep your internal focus zoned in only on the changes needed, you lose sight of what’s present here right now.

Ask yourself these questions to bring fullness to your life today:

• What’s good?
• What’s working”
• What can you celebrate?
• What strengths can you embrace?

As you consider this insight, remember that your life is like a coin. One side is about being in action while the other side is about slowing down to connect to your internal core. Both sides of the coin are essential to allow all of who you are to thrive and flourish at home, work and more.

So, it doesn’t really matter whether you have been on the doing side of the coin or you’ve been resting in the being side. Play with the coin, flip it and decide to embrace what’s here today as you let this present moment inform you of what’s next.

Your thoughts? Post your comments at the blog and share the wisdom.

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God’s gift, that’s why we call it the present.” Joan Rivers

Photo Courtesy of Photoxpress © angelo.gi

Just yesterday I posted to my Facebook wall about the importance of  “taking care of you”. Because of the thoughtful responses and “likes”, I realized that this was a “hot topic” that we all need to be reminded of. It really boils down to this…it’s essential to accept oneself completely.This is the place of self-mastery where you will find true fulfillment and make a significant contribution to the lives of others.

Since it’s a recurring sentiment among all women and I’m working on the website for The Leadership Collaborative this week, I decided to leverage my community and have collaborated with Nacie Carson for this week’s blog post.  Enjoy and please, do something good for yourself today!

“The most terrifying thing is accepting oneself completely.” – Carl Jung

Thanks to St. Valentine (and Hallmark), February is a month full of love, romance, big red hearts, and overly-priced chocolate.  But for me, February is going to be as much about building out the relationship with myself as it is going to be about writing sonnets to my Charles (though I do plan to get a few of those in!).

Why? Because like all relationships, the one we have with ourselves requires constant work and attention.

How many of you have had a friendship or romantic relationship that somehow got to a dull, unconnected place? You know the feeling, like you suddenly have nothing in common with the person anymore or you don’t really know them. Often, we’ll blame it on them – “they’ve changed, they’re different now, they’re going through a phase.” But what we fail to understand is that while those things might be true, they are true for our side of the table as well.  We are constantly evolving, just like everyone around us, although these change tend to happen in small, minute increments making them difficult to realize.

Have you ever gotten to this place with yourself? Where you felt disconnected from your core, or lacking enthusiasm and energy, or just a little Lost?  Chances are, you’re at that place because that relationship with yourself hasn’t grown as you’ve changed.

I’ll be the first to admit that I haven’t given my relationship with myself the work or attention it needs to keep me confident, self-assured, or feeling an appropriate appreciation for my potential or personal power. Instead of being aware and honoring the changes I’ve made over the last five years, I feel like I’ve been hyper-critical and always focusing on the faults. In my quest to Live Uncommonly I tore a lot of my core down to get to the bottom of what drove my need to quit the Corporate world, but instead of rebuilding I’ve just dug deeper and deeper in a quest to know myself completely. And while I feel like I know much more about who I am, why I’m motivated to do some things instead of others, and how I operate, I feel like the relationship I have with myself is worse than it was five years ago. Ironically, I look at the person in the mirror and catalogue faults, and then wonder what happened to that super-sparkly person I used to be.

I am still that person. I am still Nacie Carson, and my mission for this month is to take a page from Carl Jung and focus my energies on “accepting myself completely.”

Reprinted with permission by Nacie Carson, writer and founder of The Life Uncommon.

So what about you? Where are you in accepting yourself completely? Take a step today to get to know you and let us know what you learn about your brilliant and beautiful self!

Photo Courtesy of Photoxpress © Lev Dolgatshjov

Christmas is over yet there is still one present remaining if you are willing to open it. It’s the gift of reflection time spent during this last week of the year.

There is a slight “catch” with this gift. Someone isn’t going to come to you and hand you extra hours in your day for this reflection. This is one of those presents that you must decide you will get for yourself. Even once you choose this gift, you must be intentional and disciplined to make use of it.

You might be wondering why it’s so import to experience this gift. For me, this time has become non-negotiable and I guard it with intention because:

1. Reflecting back on your year helps you identify your successes and wins achieved during the year. You can celebrate your accomplishments and own the many ways you’ve grown and become more of your true and authentic self.
2. You clear out unnecessary thoughts, paperwork and possessions you no longer need for the coming year. This frees you up to move into the new year without hindrance.
3. You identify what you want for your life and work in the coming year and can make intentional plans with action steps to get you there. This helps you begin your new year in action, being proactive toward what you want to create for 2011. This results in a thriving and fulfilling life rather than reacting to life and just surviving.

I imagine that many of you reading this blog probably still have kids at home who are on break. You’ve probably checked out from reading this post because you see this reflection time as a luxury rather than a necessity. I challenge you to take on a different perspective consider these questions:

• What if you deciding to make this time for yourself is the way you model healthy self-care to your kids?
  
• How might the future of your children be different if you choose to celebrate your year and plan intentionally for the one ahead?

As you choose to open the gift of reflection this week, use this celebration tool to guide you through the process. This is my free gift to you and for those of you that need a little extra encouragement, I’m going to sweeten the deal.  The first 4 of you who send me an e-mail with your answers to the questions will receive a FREE 15-minute laser coaching session from me. To be considered you need to e-mail me by Wednesday, January 5th, 2011 and it’s first come, first served.

As we wind down the year, I want to celebrate each of you by thanking you for being a part of my blog community. It’s been a privilege and joy to support you with wisdom, resources and encouragement this past year and I look forward to partnering with you in 2011.

Here’s to celebrating 2010 for the sake of an extraordinary and abundant new year!

“Year’s end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.”
Hal Borland

Do you feel it too?

Just as the leaves on the trees change color every fall, life goes through shifts. Some of these are subtle and expected, like my daughter turning “10” last week. Some are unexpected like the loss of a job that my client’s husband recently experienced.

I invite you to think of a shift that’s happening in your life. Imagine you can step back from the shift so you can observe it from an outsider’s perspective. As you look at it, you will notice three things. You’ll see an ending, an in between middle place, and a new beginning on the other side. As you acknowledge these three phases it’s easier to embrace the shift and see that your life is going through a transformational process. Life is no longer the way it has been and it’s not yet fully how it will be.

I call this “in between” phase the “transition place” which can feel very uncomfortable and a bit disorienting. If you’re in this place you know what I mean. The picture is unclear, life seems fuzzy and perhaps foggy, and you don’t know quite how to “be”.

For some in the transition place, you might feel overwhelmed and shut down. For others, you might want to step in and take charge to make something happen. Both are normal yet can delay the new beginning unless you acknowledge that you are experiencing the transition which comes with life’s shifts.

If you find yourself in a shift of transition, here are some tips to consider:

1. Allow yourself to fully experience what is ending. You may need to give yourself permission to grieve. I also recommend you honor and celebrate the joy of what happened before the ending. Who have you become? How have you grown? What’s to be celebrated?
2. Practice extreme self-care and nurture your spirit. You need to get your rest, spend quiet time to reflect and meditate as you give yourself permission to “be” rather than “do”.
3. Budget your time, energy and money. Get clear on what’s needed for you to thrive personally and in your work. What’s necessary emotionally, physically, spiritually and financially?  Schedule your activities in your calendar, including your reflection time. Notice what drains your energy and eliminate these activities for now.  Identify what expenditures you need to add and what you need to eliminate, at least for the time being. Bottom line: Be intentional with how you use your time, energy and money so you can create ease through the transition to the new beginning.

Something else to consider is how you view the shift. Do you see it as something awful or as a new opportunity? The way you look at the transition will make a huge difference in what you experience inside and around you.

I am personally going through major shifts at the moment which I’ve eluded to in past blog posts. My life and work are going through a significant overhaul so I can speak from experience that the tips above have helped to make the ending more positive, the transition place less chaotic and the new beginning more exciting.

What do you think? Will these tips help you go through your transition times with ease and grace? Post your comments at the blog and let our community know; I’d love to hear from you!

If you’d like to learn more about the changes happening , I invite you to sign up for my monthly newsletter which is also going through a transition. In this “in between” place there are exciting new coaching, mentoring and training programs that will benefit you and your teams and organizations.

In the meantime, let the wisdom of Albert Einstein guide you through your transition times: “There are only two ways to live your life. One as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is.”

Here’s to your miracles happening in the shifts!

Do you want more joy in your life and revenue in your business? If your answer is “yes” you might be shocked when I tell you “how” to go after the “more”.

Just say “No!”

You’re probably thinking, “really?” Could “no” actually be the answer to “more”?

Absolutely and here’s why. If you say yes to every opportunity, invitation, possibility or activity for your life, your kids’ lives and/or your business you will eventually run out of resources and you will crash just like a computer that has too many windows open. By saying “yes” to every suggestion or request, you are letting other people’s agendas drive your life and your business. Saying “no” can put you in charge instead.

Where do you need to exercise “no”?

In your life?

Your business?

Or both?

Pursuing too many opportunities is not the true path to success or fulfillment. The “more” you desire will come when you exercise your “no” and you streamline your life to achieve greater impact with less effort.

What will you say “no” to?

What accountability and support do you need  to begin?

By making a commitment to”no” you can reclaim your life and your business. Join me by sharing your “no” by posting your comment at the blog where you can read my comment as well. And, if you need a new relationship with the word “no” contact me to find out how relationship coaching can support you in the process.

Start saying “no” and watch less become more!

Picture courtesy of Photoxpress © Robert Mobley