Archive for self-care
You’ve probably heard the phrase “stop shoulding on yourself.” Intellectually you get that should’s, have to’s and ought to’s just drain your energy and leave you feeling heavy and unfulfilled. Yet regardless of this knowledge you find yourself “shoulding” more often than not.
So what do you do? How do you change the cycle from “should” to “want”?
Let me paint the picture of what’s happening behind the scenes for me. I’ve been in an intense transition season, on a mission to reclaim my “want to’s” as I eliminate the “should’s” in my life. It’s literally impacting every facet of my life, including my work, my relationships with myself and others, and even basic things like how I schedule my time. As I go through this process, I’m amazed at what I’m learning.
I have allowed “should’s” to drive my life…often! Mostly because I didn’t realize that many behaviors and beliefs that drive me aren’t core to who I really am. Through my discovery , I’ve tapped into what’s true for me so I have stopped several things cold turkey, like writing my blog. I haven’t written a post in over a month and half because it wasn’t a “want to”. I found I was writing because I thought I “should” based on others’ opinions, expertise and beliefs so I decided to take a break for awhile to get clear for myself.
So what about you? Where do you need to stop the “should’s” in your life?
I invite you to explore the question as you create awareness around where you are run by “should’s”. Without judgment, decide what you need to do with that “should”.
Here’s a system I use called the “Three D” system that will help you choose:
- Dump it. If it’s not necessary or life giving do you really need to keep the should?
- Delegate it. Maybe this is something that you can hire out or you can get help from someone else?
- Defer it. Take a break from it. See what happens and decide when you want to pick it back up or if you even want to. This is what I did with the blog writing.
As for me, I’m not convinced that I’m ready to re-engage in blogging. I know I wanted to begin with this post as I continue to explore what blogging looks like for me. I am committed to staying connected to community in a way that is life giving and allows me to use my wisdom and inspiration creatively. I want to support a win-win and I’m not quite sure what that looks like, yet.
The key here is to focus not on “should’s” but on what you really want paying special attention to where you come alive. Choose powerfully to do those things that “light you up”, because this is the place you will be energized, filled up and on purpose as you give to others.
What do you think? Share your thoughts and comments at the blog.
Bottom line: Stop the Should’s! It could be the most life transforming decision you’ll ever make as you free more of authentic self to positively impact the world!
Oxygen therapy. What’s this you might ask? According to Wikipedia it’s the administration of oxygen as a medical intervention. In the case of this blog, it pertains to this question: “Could you use a breath of fresh air?”
Take a minute right now and breathe deeply. What do you notice?
Are you alive and energized?
Or are you exhausted?
No matter where you find yourself, I have an invitation. Will you take a break for at least one and maybe two hours and join me to experience some oxygen therapy as a way to refresh renew and refuel?
This Thursday, I’m facilitating a FREE group coaching call on the theme of Celebrating Life using the Compass Action System. This will be your opportunity to experience the power of community while leaving replenished and inspired. For more details about this offering Click Here or Contact Me. You can also visit my Compass coaching website or Compass rep page.
This coming Saturday, I have the awesome opportunity to be on “live” radio with my friend and coach colleague Laurie Hardie. I’ll be co-hosting with her on the Saturday morning radio show Coffee with the Coaches on Seattle 820AM or KGNW.com. Our theme for this call is the title of this blog “Oxygen Therapy: Could you use a breath of fresh air?” If you can’t make it, be sure to listen to the archived call after the fact.
Will you take an hour to invest in and “love” on you? Grant yourself permission to take a break as you connect with your spirit. I guarantee you’ll leave replenished and renewed, filled with love and joy that will make you a better woman, wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend and business owner.
“If you want a love message to be heard, it has got to be sent out.
To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it.”
I am sure not to be the only one who experiences that whatever task I undertake or project I agree to, it consistently takes two to three times as long as I anticipate to accomplish my intended goal.
You think we would get smart enough to do better at time management by planning for these certain realities, accepting that it always takes longer. But no, instead we judge ourselves and compress life, not wanting to ‘drop a ball’ or say ‘no’ to anything.
Can we be happy even at these times? Expanding compassion and patience, not for the outer world or others, but for ourselves seems to be the key to happiness until we can adjust our perception of time and surrender to and trust in Divine Order.
It is important not to miss the simple wonders in our hurry to force life along. So today, amidst looming project due dates (I refuse to call them dead-lines) and having more on my plate than I have allowed time for, I choose to take the time to notice that the sun is out for the first time in days, delight that I heard my grandson giggle over the phone, and show gratitude for the simple wonders, big and small, that reconnect me to the perfection in mis-perfection today.
WHAT DO YOU PERCEIVE AS THE SEVEN WONDERS OF THE WORLD?
by Author Unknown
A group of students was asked to list what they thought were
the present ‘Seven Wonders of the World.’ Though there were
some disagreements, the following received the most votes:
1. Egypt’s Great Pyramids
2. Taj Mahal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire State Building
6. St. Peter’s Basilica
7. China’s Great Wall
While gathering the votes, the teacher noticed that one quiet student hadn’t turned in her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The girl replied, ‘Yes, a little. I couldn’t quite make up my mind because there were so many.’
The teacher said, ‘Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help.’
The girl hesitated, then read, ‘I think the ‘Seven Wonders of the World’ are:
1. to see
2. to hear
3. to touch
4. to taste
5. to feel
6. to laugh
7. and to love.
The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.
The things we overlook as simple and ordinary and that we take for granted are truly wondrous! Be grateful for simple things!
Special credit for this blog post goes to Rhonda Hall, founder of The Center for Happiness. Be sure to learn more about Rhonda and her work at www.driveyourselfhappy.com.
Are you on a roller coaster going up and down so quickly that it’s difficult to get off the ride? Perhaps the treadmill of your life is going too fast because you are being bombarded by too much coming at you? If you resonate with any of these statements, it’s time to stop the madness!
Since launching The Leadership Collaborative at the end of April, I’ve been out in the marketplace with intention; I’ve been speaking, networking and engaging the field to learn more. And boy am I learning what others in business are facing and it can all be boiled down to one word:
This overwhelm is showing up in many ways; see which of these you can relate to:
- Life changes/transitions are at an all time high—loss of a well-loved pet, moving, personal health issue, graduation, end of school, ailing family member and unexpected financial matters just to name a few.
- Wearing too many hats—trying to run multiple businesses, taking on activities that aren’t aligned with passion or expertise, adding more to the plate without assessing what needs to be let go.
- Mediocre financial results—just getting by, barely covering the expenses, surviving instead of thriving.
- Too much activity—doing, doing, doing without any time to slow down, assess and plan with purpose.
If you can relate to any of these scenarios, let me ask from a place of deep humility and love the question that Dr. Phil always asks… “How’s that working for you?”
My hunch is that it’s not.
Now let me contrast the above scenario with another person I met last week. She decided to make a 180 degree shift from her 20-year career in the judicial system to launching a speaking/training business. She’s following her “lights” and integrating her love of photography into a platform that reconnects others to the core through nature as a vehicle to help them find their passion. She has a book coming out in August, she’s working on her website, promoting her speaking and because of her clarity, passion and plan she has opportunities abounding and she’s getting tangible results.
So why isn’t she overwhelmed? What makes her different that the others I mentioned above?
- She knows herself which helps her to know when to say “yes” and when to say “no”.
- She has a vision which guides her even in the chaos.
- She has a plan to take care of herself and slows down daily.
- She has a strategy and continually revisits it to adjust and stay in momentum.
Here’s the truth: If you want to stop the madness in your own life and eliminate the overwhelm, these four elements are essential and non-negotiable.
So what’s true for you? Are you ready to stop the insanity which is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results?
I’m on a mission to stop the madness! If you’re serious like me, then let me help you take a stand for your heart. Give yourself the gift of a 15-minute free, no obligation call to find out what your one next step is. Contact me to schedule your appointment today. At a minimum, schedule 15-minutes in your own calendar to slow down.
You have everything to gain and nothing to lose.
I’ve heard it said that women use over 10,000 words per day so it’s very clear that we women “chat”! In fact, I’ve started my quota early today as I literally just got off the phone for my weekly chat with a dear friend and colleague of mine; we meet over-the-phone weekly at 5:30a to connect on a deeper level and support one another with accountability and encouragement.
One of the reasons we “chat with women” is that we are very relational beings. The way we connect is through conversation. Some times our dialogue is uplifting and life giving but if you’re like me, I often wish I could take back what I’ve said because it hasn’t been helpful, edifying or inspiring.
How about you? If you think about your “chats” how would you rate your conversations? Enriching? Draining?
In my experience with clients, the primary reason for disheartening conversation is women often operate and talk from an empty tank. When the car runs on fumes, eventually it’s going to stop and be ineffective. It’s the same for you; the level of “gas” in your internal tank directly impacts the quality of your presence and how you show up in the world, including what you share in your conversations.
Tomorrow I have the exciting opportunity to be interviewed on the radio with co-hosts Pam Gray and Rachel Alhadeff of Chat with Women. This is my “first time” on the radio “live”; what a great chance to use part of my word quota in a positive way. I invite you to join me as your support will inspire me and this could also be your chance to “refuel” your tanks. I believe the show will positively impact you by improving your energy and uplifting your tone of voice and the words you use in your conversations.
“Chat With Women is a company that is passionate about helping, developing, and inspiring women and the men who love them. We achieve this by waking up every day with a goal of using our experiences in business and life while following our core values of love, laughter and our life’s energy to maximize everyday both personally and professionally.”
So tune in tomorrow; if you’re in the Puget Sound region you can listen at KKNW 1150AM or online at Chat with Women. The show starts at 8:00a Pacific and my segment will be at 8:45a. You can also listen to the archived show after the fact.
And as you “chat with women” (and others today) remember your words can help or your words can hinder. Choose wisely!