Archive for Relationships
In the Absence of Complete Clarity
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Do you find yourself in the absence of “complete” clarity. I’m right there with you because in this season of my life, there’s a lot in flux in both my personal life and business. I have a sense of where these shifts will take me and I’m moving forward in action in new and positive ways.
At the same time, I find myself challenged by the lack of “crystal clear clarity” that “us coaches” support our clients to discover. Perhaps you’re like me, finding your schedule jam packed, having little margin, and new opportunities coming to you at warp speed.
Here are some of the realizations I’ve had over the past few weeks:
Strengths taken to an extreme become a weakness. My can-do attitude has resulted in me saying “yes” too often. Don’t get me wrong; I am saying “yes” to good things that honor my values, strengths and vision. The end result however, is that my quiet time has been impacted and the quality of my personal relationships is being affected. What about you? What strengths have become weaknesses in your life?
The “good” can crowd out those things that are “best”. When you receive an opportunity that appears aligned with your strengths, talents, values, vision, etc. pause before saying yes. Evaluate whether the opportunity is “good”, “better” or “best”, and choose accordingly.
Replenish on a grand scale so you can continue to give to others in a big way. You must renew and replenish to the same degree you are giving to have increase your impact, influence and results. To be in service from a “full” tank you need to take care of yourself. This isn’t selfish; it’s a fact of life!
So now what?
Reduce your screen time—my daughter’s pediatrician told me that she should have no more than 2 hours of TV, Computer, and Electronic Games a day. Hmmm, I wonder what that means for us adults. For me, this means that I must turn off the computer when I leave my office daily.
Aim for an earlier bedtime—what bed time allows you to wake up being your best self? I have found a time that allows me to wake up refreshed and every time I “push it”, my morning is challenged.
Radically reduce your multi-tasking—you can’t send an e-mail, put a load of laundry in the machine, talk on the phone and be present all at the same time. Keep the main priority your focus and be real about how many activities you can handle at any given time.
Here’s the truth in all of this. You need to shield yourself from the busyness to hear what your body, soul and spirit are saying. External noise and excessive activity interferes with your ability to hear the still small whispers within that will give you the “complete” clarity you need.
What do you think? I welcome your feedback and comments.
The Power of Listening
Posted by: | CommentsShortly after the launch of the blog, I could tell that I was getting sick and the cold was heading for my chest. It was rather surreal the way it all happened because it came on instantaneously. In retrospect, I realized that I had been “pushing through” to get everything wrapped up so I could be done and move on to the preparation of my much welcomed and anticipated girl’s weekend get away.
By the time I made it to the mini-vacation, my voice was essentially “Gone” with a Capital “G”. Not a good thing for an extrovert ready to meet new women at this birthday party adventure for my friend Julie. Once again I stepped into my regular pattern and I attempted to “push through” by forcing words out. It was rather painful, not just for me on a physical level, but also for those who were trying to listen to my squeaky voice!
As I realized that I wouldn’t be able to engage as normal, I made the choice to embrace my reality and do what I was obviously meant to do…Listen!
In spite of minimal talking, it was an amazing weekend! I watched the joy around me as women from all walks of life, and all parts of the country came together to celebrate Julie and the amazing gift she is. The stories and conversations ranged from hilarious, to provocative to powerful. The laughter was contagious and the tears shed along the way reflected the beauty that resides in the hearts of these incredible women.
I learned something this weekend. Because I was forced to listen more and talk less, there was a fullness to the relationships built over the weekend. Normally I am a giver, but this time I was able to receive in a way that I usually don’t because I listened in more powerful ways. It made the weekend more rich, beautiful and whole. Not only was Julie’s lifelong dream fulfilled as she connected with her network of amazing women friends all in one place, but I received the gift of receiving the deeper learning attributed to this powerful listening.
Listening is a tool that all coaches use. We learn early in our training that there are actually three levels of listening that are essential to the coaching relationship.
Level 1 listening is self-focused listening. In the context of the coaching relationship, this means that I hold back my agenda and opinions to be fully with my client. I do pay attention to what I have to offer the client from my experience and bring it into the coaching when appropriate.
Level 2 listening is laser focused listening. With my clients, this means I completely focus 100% of my attention toward them, creating the space for them to be seen and heard in service to their agenda.
Level 3 listening is the softened listening where I allow my intuition to kick in. I notice the shift in my client’s voice and pay attention to what’s not being spoken.
Pondering these levels of listening, I realized that I was engaged with all three this weekend. I was able to honor the level 1 listening by staying in tune with my body as I took care of my physical needs. When up to it, I was able to exercise the level 2 by staying focused in the one-on-one conversations I had with the different women at the party. And, it was the Level 3 that allowed me to witness the many heart qualities that were present in the weekend as we ate, drank, laughed, talked, learned and engaged in relationship as women.
The pinnacle of this moment happened when Julie and Sharon, her BFF for life, joined together to sing. They both have amazing voices and used to sing together with the Sweet Adeline’s. Singing acappella, you could feel the love shared between these two and hear the synergy and harmony of their voices. Their singing truly captured the moment where these three levels of listening came together in a divine way.
So now I’m curious about you. When have you experienced that “harmony” in your listening as you engage in relationship with others? What will you take from this post to use as you leverage the power of listening in your relationships? What listening muscle do you need to exercise to find that rich place of connection?
I’d love to hear from you! And thanks Ladies for an incredibly life giving weekend on so many levels!
